They say that if you don´t like yourself, others will not like you either. But that is just not true. I don´t like myself much (although this has been changing in the last couple of months), and, yet, I have wonderful people around me, who truly like and love me.
And do you know why is that? Because those people see things that I don´t see about myself. That is how truly amazing people are. The things about yourself that you consider negative, other people will see them as different and, most of the times, they will see them as positive characteristics of yours.
So it is better that you start trying something as soon as you possibly can: no matter how little you like yourself, you MUST change your attitude. Start from now, because all that negativity is only going to bring you stress, and consequently, illness.
In order to achieve this, you need to try to find out where is that lack of love coming from. Because, believe me, it is coming from somewhere; you did not just create it out of the blue. No: It is not your fault that you don´t like yourself.
The other day I was chatting with a friend about how some girls we have known for many years think they are absolutely gorgeous inside and out, when in reality they are not.
It was not a jealousy type of conversation. These girls really believe the work they do is amazing, when many people have realised by now that they are actually not good whatsoever at their jobs.
So I told my friend that this had to come from when they were little: probably their parents praised them for everything so much, that these people have always thought everything they did was remarkable. Perhaps whenever they did something (a drawing, putting their toys back in the cupboard, getting a good grade in a subject) their parents would go crazy about it and say exaggerated statements that did not reflect their kids´true abilities. Slowly, throughout the years, that child would then be convinced that they were absolutely great and special, when they were just average. In cases where parents have overindulged their kids, these could easily become those types of adults who expect to get a lot while working less. Believe me; this happens a lot.
On the other hand, you have people who have lacked love and/or attention when they were growing. Perhaps they felt left apart because their parents worked too many hours, or maybe they were being compared with their siblings all the time, or else their parents would not applaud for every thing they did… there could be many possible reasons, but the truth is that some people have lacked a bit of attention and others have had lots.
Consequently, there are people out there who are in love with themselves, other people who like themselves just a normal and healthy amount, and, unfortunately, there are other people who don´t like themselves that much; and I believe that the people around a kid while this one is growing up plays a very important role in such feelings.
If you are one of those who don´t like themselves, then you MUST reset your brain. It will take time, but it will be totally worth it. You need to start believing in yourself; in that what you do is fine, what you feel is fine, and in that your looks are fine and perfectly normal. You need to like yourself. This doesn´t mean that you have to like everything you do, but you need to like who you are, with your virtues and defects. And, if you don´t like some things that you do, then you should work on them: try to change them, but understanding that it´s OK to fall down while trying, as long as you stand up after.
Analyse your past and identify in which moments of your childhood you felt like you were not as good or as capable as others. Perhaps you spent many hours at school, and your teachers played an important role in your development. Was any of these teachers unfair to you? Teachers can certainly be cruel sometimes.
One day at school, while the teacher was explaining something, I started playing with my hair. I supposed that was she was explaining was super boring and that I found something better to do. But to this day I wish I didn´t touch my hair, as that woman started shouting like if she was possessed by the devil: “Rocío! Stop playing with your hair! This is not a hair salon, for God´s sake!”. All my classmates turned to look at me and that was one of the most embarrasing moments of my life. I was only 4 years old and vulnerable. That woman made myself miserable to the point that still to this date I can feel a shiver down my spine when I remember her annoying voice and hideous expression while telling me off for such an innocent act.
In most of the cases your parents or teachers did not mean to hurt you and they did not believe you were worst or less able than your other siblings or classmates (or maybe they did!). But, in any case, the reality is that they are human and they do commit mistakes, without realising that kids might feel things disproportionately due to their young age.
However, on other occasions the lack of love towards ourselves didn´t start such a long time ago. You also need to review your own attitudes and behaviours from recent years, and see if you have lost something on the way. Are you practising all the activities you like? We all have hobbies, activities we enjoy doing, even if this is something as simple as watching films, reading, cooking, drawing, dancing, or even shopping! Perhaps, due to different circumstances in life, you don´t practise them anymore. Is this your case?
Try to be generous with your soul: Practising your favourite activities from time to time is a must. Perhaps you are now dating someone who doesn´t like your hobbies and you have stopped doing them because of that person; or maybe you now have a job which won´t leave you enough time to practise them. I had moments in my life when I was convinced (somehow) to join a gym, when actually the only exercise I like is walking, doing hula-hoop and a couple of sports. This kinds of behaviours would demonstrate a lack of love or at least a bit of neglectance towards yourself.
Just analyse your history, identify events of your life that have affected you (if you remember these episodes, they are probably still hurting you somehow). And then try to heal these feelings (the book The Healing Code will help you achieve this).
You need to reset your brain day by day, ideally at night before your sleep, although two and even three times per day would work much better.
For you to heal, you must forgive the people who hurt you (including yourself), and try to stop all negativity in your life. Think good of people, because the big majority of them want you to do well. The problem is that we tend to only remember those individuals who have hurt us. But even those people who really meant to hurt you it is most probable that they don´t feel good about it. And if they do, then that is their problem, but, in any case, it shouldn´t affect you. They did something wrong to you and it´s on their conscience. (Please, note that sometimes people don´t have one).
Learning not to care is tough, but you have to, and with time and experience it will become much easier. You only need your faith and the determination to like yourself.